Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Hindsight.

Things are always so simple in hindsight.

Every important, or near enough important, decision that I've made in the past was once had, and once took a lot of thought, but looking back everything was so much simpler than I gave it credit for.

The decision to go to College, to go to University, to take Psychology. Every important decision seems like common sense now.

But now I'm face looking at the big open world. This place where I have to make my own way, get a job, pay bills, and live. Its so much less like freedom then you grow up thinking it will be.

Maybe when I'm older, this time now will look simple, just not today.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Organisation. Starting June 1st.

(I realise there have been a gap in the posts, but you might also realise that I have been reviewing Games during this absence: Here)

Over a week ago, on the 21st of May 2010, I finished University. When I say finished I mean I completed my last assignments and my last exams of Year Three, but I have yet to receive my grades or degree. The way I see it, it is time to change my gears, shift myself from Student Mode and into full time work. I've spent the fast three years organising my time with a heavy focus on Enjoying myself and Socialising, which I don't regret, I believe this is the main focus of University. Many come to earn their degree, further their education, but for everyone one person who is there solely for this purpose, there are many more who are here to have an experience. I am pleased to say I have had this.

Now that this experience is over, or is atleast drawing to close, and I have one month before I move out of this house, I am changing my focus. I am now looking to getting a job, paying back my debts, and securing myself an income of some description. No more student loans, no more government money, I need a job to support myself. I am also looking to kickstart my creativity again. Its dwindled since University, I don't write any more and my photography has dwindled.

So how do I plan to achieve all this? Well!
  • I have an excel document, primed and ready, to keep track of my funds.
  • I am working on my C.V. to send out to different jobs.
  • I am planning to write a blog a few times a week, while still Reviewing games.
  • And I plan to take more photographs when I am at home.
Tomorrow my life changes...
Wish me luck!

Shaun Kellett

Sunday, March 14, 2010

If I can't advertise here...

Then where can I advertise! I mean really?

Well, just in case you've been following, I've decided to set up another blog for Video Game related articles and reviews. It can be found here at Clockwork Gaming (Notice I stuck with the theme? Cool huh?)

Every now and again, or every week if time will allow, I am going to write an article about Video Games. Be it a review, an article, or just my opinion on anything at the time. If you're wondering why I'm doing this there are a few simple reasons.
  • Firstly, I'm looking to broaden my creative horizons, writing articles is a little different to poetry and short stories. This means I get more practice in different areas.
  • Along with practice I also get something to put in a portfolio, should I ever want to become a journalist, editor, or professional reviewer.
  • I spend so much money on games and, when it comes down to it, put them on my shelf to barely touch again. This way I get something else out of my games, something more for my moneys worth.
  • And lastly, for a bit of fun.

I hope you enjoy my reviews and articles, I know not a lot of people read my blog, and even less people comment it, but if anyone feels the slight urge to comment on my articles I will take any feedback into consideration. My first review is of Mass Effect 2 for the Xbox 360. Check it!

Shaun Kellett

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Stressed again.

So I'm forced to write about stress again as its something constantly on my mind. Instead of writing generally, I'm going to go over the process of me stressing.

  1. When I stress it starts off small, I can feel a niggling doubt which I, usually, manage to put off and this leads to me procrastinating or not trying as hard as I should. I normally feel confident at this stage.
  2. Later on this stress builds, and I begin to panic. This is when things get interesting. I start to work a little harder and it is here I begin to realise I don't have as much time as I thought and know less about the subject then I thought.
  3. About now I have a panic attack. I can't focus, concentrate, or see the end goal, all of which lead to more stress and to a feeling of hopelessness. I fidget, cry, and am just generally irritable.
  4. By now I can't think about anything else, I'll have periods of productivity, but I wont be able to calm down, or take a break, or let myself think about anything other then this stress. What makes matters worse, is that I'll still procrastinate and be distracted, for instance writing this blog.
  5. Untill the project is done, dusted, and out of my control, this cycle will repeat over and over.

And that, followers, is how my head is right now. I'm stressing, I feel a failure, and I am worried that I'm going to fail or receive a low grade. I've lost sight of the path to the end goal, my heads a web of intangibility.

Eugh.

Wish me Luck.

Shaun Kellett

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I can't stress this enough...

But I'm getting stressed.

I am very good, it seems, at procrastination, I am even doing my dissertation on the subject, but sometimes I can see a picture of what I need to do and it stresses me.

I have recently been better at taking into account the work I have to do and while it, occasionally, motivates me to sit down and work it's better at sending my head into a complex brainstorm of stress. I can't focus on one piece of work, as they all bounce about begging me to focus on them instead. What I find is my attention is drawn more to my IS, my Independant Study, my Dissertation, but I'm finding it hard to grasp and understand. This stresses me more.

It's getting to the point where I'm having mini panic attacks, I'm shouting/snapping at my Girlfriend when she's done nothing wrong, and I'm losing sleep.

Yet part of me still just procrastinates, puts it out my head, and lets me go on just playing Video Games and Facebooking.

That's why this week I'm going to try and be productive. I'm going to overcome these stress attacks and do some work. I should hopefully be able to see my Supervisor about my Dissertation tomorrow, and I should hopefully be able to complete some work by the weekend. Just in time to have a break and go home to see the family.

Shaun

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Creativity Loss

So it's been ages. Again.

If you follow my blog you'll realise I haven't posted anything new in... Well... About a month. A common situation with me. I'll blog a few times, then have no time, only to blog a few more times a month later. Not to mention I've barely written anything creative, or taken any photos, or just actually done anything in ages.

I feel sapped of my creative juices recently. I get the urge to just grab my camera and take some shots but I find that absolutely nothing captures my eye let alone my lens. As for writing I seem to have zero inspiration and little to no ideas on what to write. If anyone can provide any sort of motivation in these areas then please let me know!

So what am I going to do?
Well.
I think I'm going to start a new blog even though I have trouble writing for this one. The new blog will have a topic and it will be titled 'Clockwork Gaming'. In this blog I will review games I have played, or am currently playing, while also writing an article or two on my opinions about the current video game world. I figure I need something creative to do, I need some practice writing articles, and I have a passion for video games.

Lets see how I fare.

Shaun Kellett

Monday, February 15, 2010

On Blogging, Tweeting, and Tumbling

Blogging was looked down upon, ages ago, as something that only lonely, emotional, or self centered people did. I remember back during my school years, when Blogging first came about and LiveJournal was all the rage, most people used it as a way of tracking stuff day to day, with little interesting to say, but more recently it's become a medium that most people have some connection to, be it writing or reading.

I myself write in my blog to get across emotions, or thoughts, that I have that are too complex to keep in my head. Writing helps me overcome these and, while it might not be best to broadcast these to the public, I am not ashamed of how i've thought or felt and, in the end, it may well better my writing ability, which is the second reason I blog.

I blog because, more often then not, I don't have a lot of time, or motivation, to be creative, so I use it to keep my writing on track; as a way to prove to myself that I still can, and I like to think this helps.

However more recently there has been a surge in, what I call, convenience blogging, using Facebook Status', Tweeting, or posting a quick Tumblr article. It's these blogs which I am being drawn into. They take no time and you can simply post a thought, or feeling, without having to write a large essay such as I am now. However I feel we're losing out on some of the more interesting blogs. While nearly every celebrate, or so it seems, now Tweets about their antics, surely a more detailed explanation, a full blog, would be prefered by their truer fans. Surely it would be better then the articles and gossip we read in all the 'Chat' and 'People' magazines. While some people still write articles while Tweeting, Neil Gaiman for instance, mainy provide a simple one sentence update about their lives.

I think with a happy medium we could blog, tweet, and update our facebooks, bringing us truly into the shared experience of social networking and the internet. All of which, I think, is a positive and horizon broadening thing.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Beyond the Veil

So the future is looming and it gets more apparent with each passing day and it leaves my mind buzzing with questions. Am I going to fail University? What am I going to do afterwards? Will I be able to cope with it?

As per usual motivation is a main problem of mine. I still procrastinate and I still can't be bothered to make myself work. I'm in the final year! I should be stressing, working hard, conducting my study and doing my background reading. I should have everything planned for when I leave University and I should be looking forward to my future. At the moment the only thing I can see myself doing, and enjoying, is sitting in front of a T.V. playing Xbox while putting off actually doing anything productive.

Maybe I'm allergic to productivity?
I can't even do anything creative anymore.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Sweet Home Solihull

I'm normally under the impression that where I am from, Solihull, is quite small. I base this idea off of its limited attractions, entertainment, and that nobody seems to have heard of it... ever. However, more recently I have been beginning to realise that perhaps it's better then we, well I, give it credit for.

Due to its close proximity to Birmingham a large set of amusements isn't far away, a huge selection of bars and clubs and a vast area to shop make it a popular day trip out. Something that many people travel from much further away to see. Solihull itself boasts the Touchwood shopping centre (Note: Touchwood, not Torchwood, you Doctor Who fans). There's restaurants, bars, the cinema. Stuff I usually took for granted, but from talking with other people from other, smaller, areas its become apparent that I should maybe appreciate what my home town has got.

A few people have told me that where they are from the largest 'local' city isn't easily accessible, while others have told me there home-town doesn't even have a good pub or cinema. It's this that has made me consider, perhaps where I am from isn't so bad after all?

Monday, February 1, 2010

Space. The final frontier.

Space, my own space that is, seems to be what I am currently aiming for. It's the current goal in my life.

As I draw near to the end of my final year at Derby University I'm starting to crave my own space and freedom. It isn't that I don't like living with my housemates, in fact I get on with them very well and, in many ways, probably better then the majority of other houses out there. What is bugging me is the idea that everything in the house is joint and I'm craving just feeling that everything is mine. The whole group behaviour is getting to me and I feel, in a way, that I might have out grown it.

For instance, doing a 'group shop' consists of me spending £50 towards house supplies when, if I lived alone, I'm sure I could knock that down to only the basics I needed and actually used. It seems I just pay it to keep face, rather then disputing how much of it I personally will use. In another case is the washing up rota. While taking it in turns to do a wash is organised and fair, which I'm not disputing, I simply feel it would be easier, and less time consuming if you were washing what you, personally, had used for yourself.

One of the main reasons these issues have surfaced is the lack of group activity. While before we always seemed to eat together, now people are more frequently eating alone, or with girlfriends. This means the group dynamic no longer works and I'm beginning to feel more solitary.

Another issue I believe is affecting this is the idea of going back home at the end. It's like a step back. I'll be living with my parents once again, in their house and with their rules. I can't see myself wanting to stay there long but at the same time I wont have enough money to move out or live on my own.

I'm stuck in a predicament with no easily reachable solution.

Monday, January 11, 2010

I hate to do this but....

It occurs to me that I've done this before and that I'll continue to do it over and over again. I'll have my little bursts of inspiration, of motivation, and then I'll get overwhelmed or simply bored and forget about them once again.

This is, again, a blog about Change and is, again, a blog about how I am going to improve myself.

I've always said I don't make New Years Resolutions, but perhaps I have now. Either way I'm to now focus on bettering myself for the future.

This year is going to be massively different for me, simply out of the situation I am in, if not for the changes I am going to make for myself. As per usual my Motivation seems to be the critical area that I need to improve, or better. At the moment my life is pretty much orientated towards being lazy and playing Video Games. Whilst I enjoy the latter, I am beginning to annoy myself with how much my free time, and even my time which should not be free, is used up with it. Therefore, I am going to start reading more, and writing more. Though juggling this with Working more, another of my years aspirations, may be time consumming, it may be better for me in the long run.

Time being one of the determining factors to what I am doing and when I'm doing it, I also vow to change my sleeping pattern. Recently I haven't done too bad, getting up at 8:00 some days, and though today I slept for 2 hours longer then I wanted I will get up early tomorrow.

So here you have it. Another blog on a subject I've written about time and time again.

I'm sorting my life out... I'm fed up of writing about it but it's true.

Shaun