Relationships. To be (Single) or not to be (Single): The Break-up connumdrum

These have been on my mind now for a while, and it may be a contributing factor to why I have made no effort with my blog anymore, I simply can’t think of my opinion on anything other then this subject. I am currently, and this will most probably shine through in this... essay, an advocator of being single. Having come out of a longterm relationship I suppose its only natural. I will thank you now for taking the time to read this entry, it is very long but its something my mind has been in an almost constant thought about and I feel if I write it down and get it out there I will rest easier. Thank you again.

Me and Vicky broke up about 2 Months ago. Yesterday would have been our Two Year Anniversary, so yeah, that’s pretty sad. Obviously it’s not my place to share all the gory details, and obviously I can’t speak on behalf of her, but I can say my piece. Please, before you read this, understand that this is in no way written harshly or written against her, it was a mutual break-up and neither of us, I hope, harbour ill feelings towards one and other. We are still very good friends and speak regularly.

The Rationale.

I try to be rational. I do. If you think of things rationally there were a few contributing factors to the break-up. We had been doing the long distance thing for awhile, but I don’t think it was the soul reason behind the split. It was defiantly a contributing factor but not the only one really. Rationally long distance is not the best type of relationship; it means you can only see each other rarely, for us it was once a month at the most frequent I believe. It also ranks up costs that as Students we don’t really have the money to pay for and you have to fit it into large chunks that, with hectic learning schedules, we don’t have the time to arrange. Please remember I have separated rational and emotion, so if any of this seems very cold and heartless I will try and back it up in the next section. For awhile we had been getting on each others nerves, I know I can be very stubborn and I am willing to admit that openly, so when I didn’t get my own way, or thought I was right, it was likely I would get pretty heated. This isn’t necessarily a damnation on myself, I think we all do this to some extent. I mean who doesn’t believe their own opinion to be right at least most of the time? Now again rationally this presents to you a problem. Either you have to change for the better of the relationship or its going to go downhill very quickly, and lets face it, how often do people change? Arguments do happen, though they happen more frequently as the relationship goes on. You start thinking ‘It was better at the start’ It is my belief that this is because you become more comfortable and as you become more comfortable you are no longer trying to impress and, in a sense, get a bit lazy. Your willing to fight your corner and say ‘Hold on I want to do this my way’ as you don’t think you have so much at stake, you’ve got the relationship on the go and you know it wont end over one little fight. You also start to notice the things that really bug you about someone else, even the smallest most trivial things, and for some reason a relationship makes them seem worse.

Now anyone will tell you this happens in every relationship ever put forward. I am sure you have heard parents argue. It is, however, my belief that at this age we have too much to experience and too much to do with in your lives. Your life is one journey that you can’t retake, not that I would change anything I have done, I live with the philosophy of ‘No regrets’ after all. I firmly uphold the idea that we should enjoy life as much as we possibly could. Now when you have a relationship which is upsetting either party and isn’t 100% happy you are not going to enjoy other aspects, you are going to be thinking about this too much. We shouldn’t have to deal with arguments or problems at our age. Me and Vicky knew, and had spoke about, the idea that we wouldn’t be together forever. We wanted different things out of life. Also, rationally, the amount of relationships that last from Teenage life to marriage are very few, and those that do often end in divorce. I think as teenagers we are to go out and have fun, have flings, even have relationships, but not too long term. When it starts becoming almost marriage-esque then perhaps its just too much at this age. People are living longer these days and while our parents may have married at the age of 25, people are now not getting married till 35 or so forth. We should enjoy meeting new people, exploring new opportunities, and perhaps being tied down in a relationship just doesn’t help with that. My head told me I wanted to see other people, I wanted to experience things, I wanted, in a sense, some freedom to do things my way.

The Emotion.

This is the bastard. Rationale? Fine! You just forget your heart exists and approach life in an almost mathematical sense. Emotion is the tough one. Love is the toughest thing in the world in my opinion. Breaking up with Vicky ranks on one of the hardest things I have had to combat in my life, especially doing it face to face. Though your arguing, and your getting annoyed at one enough, when we saw each other it was always amazing and left me feeling so positive. I always cried when she had to go back home again and I always felt empty. In fact it wasn’t really till Vicky raised it that I admitted to myself that I had the same considerations. They were always there, in the back of your mind saying ‘This isn’t the best it could be’ but your heart always overrules. Your head is thinking ‘the relationship is not as good as it was’ but your heart is still saying ‘But I love this person, so much’. The heart is a hard thing to argue with. I always say, and it may sound pretentious, that you can control how you think, you can control your legs, your arms, most things down to your finger tips, you can even stop yourself breathing and hold your breath, but you can’t control your heart and stop it beating. The same goes for it emotionally. You can’t just think ‘Oh, I am going to stop loving today’ it just doesn’t happen and in the end its only through it wearing away over time that your going to stop it.

Love is such a MAJOR emotion that I don’t think, as teenagers, we are fully equipped to handle the other feelings it brings with it. We are already a cocktail of hormones and emotions without Love on top. In fact I don't think as humanbeings we should have to handle it, Love can be the most beautiful and poetic thing in the world, it can make you feel the best you've ever felt, but it can also bring about the greatest sadness too. But it is so hard not to have there. You could enter a relationship thinking ‘I am not going to fall in love’ or flirt with someone thinking ‘I am not going to fall in love’ but I reckon if you give it long enough you may do, or you will at least have a pretty strong emotion towards them. Its only natural. Its only human.

Me and Vicky still talk, and we are still friends, but this itself brings a problem, the problem of knowing we will both find someone else. We know we will, its inevitable. Now since the break-up I have flirted with other girls and even been lucky enough to kiss other girls, and my head was saying ‘Yeh, this is good, we are getting over the break-up and experiencing new things just like we wanted’. Then when I find out Vicky has done the same thing, as hypocritical as it is, my stomach feels a massive pain and my tear ducts begin to swell. Love doesn’t let you go so easily, your head is trying to be rational, trying to say ‘you’ve done the same thing, it doesn’t matter, it shows your both making progress’ but your heart is saying ‘but she’s MINE’ and you just want to die inside. It brought back a feeling that I had only ever had once before during our relationship and it wasn’t pretty at all.

The Combo

Emotionally I loved Vicky so much, but Rationally the relationship was, and did, come to an end. Sure we had Great… No, Amazing, times together, and Sure we shared so many wonderful memories but at the end of the day, if it wasn’t working, and we weren’t 100% happy, then it is a good that we came to a mutual decision to end it. I think especially the fact that it was mutual, and it wasn’t one of us forcing it upon the other, that it suggests both of us had a few problems and had considered doing it. We are both young, 18 and 16, and we both have long lives to lead, we should experience things, rather then getting tied up in problems above our age category. If there’s such a thing as fate, and lives are woven together, we will come back to each other in the future, but personally I don’t believe there’s a ‘one’ out there, I believe there to be many, so why not enjoy life while we can? Lets let Married couples deal with the arguments, lets be carefree while it’s still possible.

A galliant return!

I haven’t posted a blog now in over 2 months and I am beginning to lose my motivation. The Shaun and Andy project is going downhill, and only on my behalf, Andy, the budding young author, is still writing and writing while all I am doing is slacking and slacking. This is mainly because I am not motivated and have a lot of coursework on my plate at the moment, this doesn’t mean to say I am DOING the coursework, just that if I write while I have work to finish I feel I should be writing the coursework… It makes sense to me atleast. If I am doing something else, like watching a film or playing a game or just, as I so often do, chill in Woody/Luke/Common’s flat, then it doesn’t seem like I could possibly doing coursework at that time. Logic? Nah, but this is University, Slacking all the way through the first year!

So I am going to change. I am starting this back on the war path and I am going to start writing a bit more too! I am going to catch up on all the stories I have missed over my absence and get my act together!

I am writing the first blog now, so it will be up shortly after this!