Dependance and Gaps

I appologise. This blog is no where near the best but I am exhausted and a wee bit lonely. I would say I will come back to it later and improve it, but we all know thats a big fat fib.

It's that time of year again. A sad time of year. A time when things are come to an end and we all pack our bags and leave for the summer. Round this time of year I can't help but notice the gaps in my life and being the overly-dependant emotional sod (ODES) that I am, these get me down.

Theres the obvious gap, the one that most people are probably sick of me going on about by now, so much so that I will try not to use up too much of this post on it. Its still a gap thats getting me down most nights, when I've got nout but thoughts to keep me company and when you go from seeing someone pretty much 24/7 to... well... never, kind of shows you how little you do with your time. I can't help but feel reminded of this. I miss it. So much.

The next gap is a recent one. Today me and my housemates moved all the stuff from our house at University. It was a mission. It took all day. We had so much to pack, so much to move, so much to clean, and in the end I only left Derby at about quater to eleven, PM. I now don't have a place to stay in Derby and the thought is a tiny bit upsetting. Though the house wasn't great and we weren't in the best area I still miss having that retreat.
For my first year in University I came home a lot more. I would be back around once a month, maybe longer nearing the end, but still far more frequently then I was this year. This year, you see, even during easter, I spent my break up there. I was used to the people, used to having constant company and not used to having to be on my own. Tie this to situation A up above, again constant company, again always someone to talk to. I need my own time sometimes, but I'd much rather put off that alone time to spend time with someone else. Especially when its people who make me feel good and happy about myself.
Now we are here. I am at home. The place I should feel most comfortable. Well here at home the house is empty all day till my parents come back from work, and then its tea before they are in bed by eleven. It's hardly much time and during most of it I will prefer to retire to my room anyway. It's not that I don't love my parents, as I do, dearly. Its just that the kind of company you keep with your parents isn't as free or jovial, its stricter and less fluid.
I miss having housemates to talk to at all hours of the day. I don't like just sitting on my own for hours on end. This is why I am constantly online, on MSN or Facebook, so that I can talk to people. I'm dependant on people; they get me through the day. I think my greatest fear would to be alone for the rest of my life and I can say that truthfully.

Maybe I am just prone to mood swings at the moment, and my mind does flip pretty randomly from one mood to the other, but I cant help but sit here at home and wish I had people around me. Most of the time I find my own company so boring, and I hate being bored. Save me? Someone?